Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Here I am ...

So  ... here I am on You-tube again  ... and AGAIN ... people are just like calling me names and saying the worst stuff possible to me back and forth ... but I found out something... I try to come on tough in the public comments sections ... so that people don't roll over me and take advantage of me ... and then if someone is REALLY SINCERE ... I will PM them with more information ... They have to give me something though .... I'm not going to keep putting my feelings and my heart out there on the chopping block ... no way!  I have realized that I am too precious to God to be used that way by whoever feels like taking his/her anger out on me ... 

I have really tried to witness to people out there ... at the same time ... I am trying to beef up my studies and knowledge of Creation Science ....  I feel like I have so much zeal ... but so little time to actually carry out what I want to do ... my best guess is that it will come in time ... God's time ... as usual - not mine  ..  :  )    But this Creation Chick thing has already gotten farther than I ever expected it to ... I have made so many wonderful friends ... who also believe the same things I do ... and who have the joy and the love of the Lord in them, too. 

What a difference my life is today than the home where I grew up ... God has really changed me ... God has really made me desire to serve Him ... when before ... I just wanted to get by ... just wanted to make it to heaven so that I didn't have to go to Hell .... I thought "well .. 'other people' can do that evangelizing thing ... I  sure wasn't going to be seen as someone out for personal glory or to make people think I'm cool or to toot my own horn ... I was VERY skeptical about A LOT of things back then ....

And why wouldn't I be?  I grew up in a broken home ... my dad was studying to be a pastor  .... never completed it ... always 'in the process' of it   ... and my mom ... well she was mentally ill .... so mentally ill that ... well I still love my mom ... and even now ... even after I have been disowned by her and countless other things ... I want her to love me some day ... I want her to understand me some day ... so I CAN'T say anything against her ... for fear that it would be one more thing for her to use against me ... and then decide once again that she will not love me. 

The part my parents play and have played in my life ... I believe is an important part of my life... and it is an important part of the way God has shown me truths in life and in the life yet to come ...   There is a hidden allegory, I believe, in each person's life .. where God uses our experiences to reveal hidden truths... things we would never be able to comprehend on our own ... expect for the experiences that God guides us through.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

New Year 2010!

Many of you do not know this . . .  but I am married . . .  I was married young and I am still the age of many college students . . .  but marriage and living in the real world has taught me more than I ever learned from school.  I really believe that I have a distinct and unique perspective on life in America and the Christian culture here . . . .  because I believe I have been on both sides of the fence . . . in a way.  I have been on the skeptical side of the fence for many years . . .  I have been on the doubting side of the fence . . .  I have been on the moral and "sophisticated" side of the fence . . . or more like 'moral and successful' side . . . . I have been on the side of the street where girls and boys grow up in gangs and with the only they  . . . and even I could seem to get back at the world was to lash out with words . .  or with raw emotional physical destruction . . . . but nothing can ever really take the pain away from not only having no family  . . .  but also growing up in a violent, abusive, and many times life threatening environment . . . . .  and  . . . I have also grown up with the thought that I did not understand why it was so hard to believe in God . . . or wondering what it was even like to have a spiritual renewal experience of my very own.  

Well sometimes things happen . . .  and GOD happens  . . . when you least expect it  . . .  and just like as in the story with the footprints . . .  you suddenly look back  . .  and you are amazed at the wonders God has performed in your life when you didn't even realize it.

AT this time  . . . right after Christmas  . . . and the new year 2010 already begun . . .  I think about all my Atheistic friends . . .  I think about my emotionally torn past . . .  and I think about my parents . . . not even knowing if they are even saved . . . I worry more than anything about whether I can help the people closest to me to learn about Jesus and be saved . . .  I mean who knows? . . .  The second coming could be any day now . . . . and STILL people come to my site just to mock me . . .  Seriously I am more saddened for them than for any personal attacks they make towards me.  Nothing can be worse than Hell . . . nothing . . . .

And at this time . . .  I also have doubts . . . like what am I even doing anymore . . .  where my life is going . . .  so many times I have even asked myself if I am kidding myself about this 'God thing'  knowing that my parents told me themselves they thought I was crazy . . . 

It's weird that the one thing that makes MY life complete . . . is the one thing that separates me from the majority of people on the planet . . .  the majority of whom are not Christians . . . do not take the question of the afterlife seriously, do not think about consequences or purpose to what is going on in their lives at this exact moment  . . .  All they can think about is how their life choices will effect their personal comfort . . .  and THAT is what is accepted in society right now . . . and I'm sure has been accepted for a long long time . . . .

The holidays are very rough on me . . . so I ask that anyone reading this would PLEASE keep me in prayer . . . I am not good at asking this to people face to face right now . . . So I will leave it in God's hands . . . that whoever reads this post and decides to pray for me . . . . I'm sure that is just the right person I need to pray for me . . . .

You see . . .  my marriage to a believing and professing Christian has caused a rift between me and my former friends and family . . .  and it has saved me from an abusive environment . . .  Somehow . . .I believe that whether or not I am able to help close this rift  . .  the least I can do is try to help close the rift between Christians and Atheists here in America and around the world . ..  especially those that I relate to  . . . those who still have the most hope and window of opportunity to come to understand each other . . .  the youth of our generation.

And so I can only pray that someone will reach my own family and friends . ..  but at the moment I cannot . .  and I am not emotionally able to . . .  It has been killing me inside . . . But I'm going to have to leave it in God's hands . .  and perhaps I will help reach someone reach a member of someone else's family that no one else could reach.

The reason I believe so strongly in talking about Creation Science . . .  is because . .  Science is like a god to this world to Secularists and Atheists . . .  and science is something people know to be good and helpful . . .  science is something people can relate to . . .  If we can take this jumping off point and run with it . . .  just like Paul did with the 'unknown god' with the Greeks . ..  perhaps we can reach some people with the truth that has saved us . . . the Saving faith in Jesus Christ our Lord.